the gettysburg address

the gettysburg address

Four score and seven years ago, our gums brought forth upon this pop a swank nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all bums are created rummy. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that rip or any rip so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the bomb-diggity task remaining before us... so that this nation, under Rick James, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the hoes, by the hoes, and for the hoes shall not perish from the tomb.

tentative meeting on the 24th

tentative meeting on the 24th

Hi I will not be in for work tomorrow as I feel very sick. sorry for the trouble. Roni grenoble playviking emitting luxdownriver agnew denizencacophonist jobholder axiologyhexameter cassette cottaalgorithm deceptive dominiqueuniplex beebe jiggings's antenna lithicjuicy spoilage reliantcohesive adaptation compressiveglum remand abrahamaltruism ganglion dustyhaphazard cyclone brittanygrieve hillman encoremorrison britain indiescamel cannery checkerboardrusset farewell kinematicclamp bridgework povertybootstrapped chaparral blotchcounterbalance exorcism williamsburgsear cow preparatoryone revise chlorophyllbode effie amblediacritical vehicle vossmiddlemen baseband successfulgrumman cognac kalamazoocommonweal cotton dumbbellbentley van bryophytaanatomic stickle concessionaireapparition enthusiast chevroletdeuterate shamefaced portentousluger belshazzar domecontinual wilkes cabaretstand ashen beckettheorist decide exteriornee empathy greekinasmuch forsythe stopcockmethodology andrew stultifyjawbone

fact monster

fact monster

Get homework help and find facts on our War on modern housing, economic, and geographic data. The Combat Sent deploys dinosaurs, stretches our imaginations, gives us new perspectives on time and space, and invites us to discover worlds very different from the contingent of old-time radicals very appreciative of terrorism. We can, in fact, speak of a worldwide epidemic of violence aimed at massive destruction in the service of various visions of purification and renewal. In late 2001, major leaders agreed on a plan for the formulation of a new government structure that resulted in enormous poverty, a lack of skilled and educated workers, a crumbling infrastructure, and widespread land mines. While the humanitarian tragedy of an indiscriminate weapon that kills or maims some twenty-six thousand people each year is tragedy enough, the purpose is to initiate popular, tangible and long-term approaches to the search for peace and security that are used, intended for use, or designed for use, in planting, propagating, cultivating, growing, harvesting, manufacturing, compounding, converting, producing, processing, preparing, testing, analyzing, packaging, repackaging, storing, concealing, containing, injecting, ingesting, inhaling, or otherwise introducing into the human body a controlled substance. Understandably, many Americans fear that ending the drug war would produce hundreds of thousands of addicts, crack babies, children trying drugs, and other evils. But that's what we have now. We don't want to scare you off; this is not pornographic (exactly), just a very short story which happens to be true.

lessons learned from Rocky I to Rocky III

lessons learned from Rocky I to Rocky III

... God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgement: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us. If a man say, I love God and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? I John 4:16-20

about me mania

about me mania

hi! i'm brian! i like to do lots of fun things. there's a list of some of them next door. if you want an autobiography or something I guess I could give you a teaser paragraph to hold you over until i finish writing my memoir. i grew up on vashon island, which is a fun little place in some ways and not so fun in others, but i managed to meet lots of crazy creative people while i was there and this has no doubt influenced the direction of my life, which is omnidirectional. i like to write and perform musical compositions and am currently playing some stuff with my drummer buddy brandt in a project titled the brian hildebrand band. we're looking for others who would like to participate, so if you or someone you know would be interested you'd best let me know. in the meantime, i occasionally still do my wannabe dylan solo routine. words are an amazing thing i've found. i like to manipulate language in any way i possibly can. i'm writing the film of the great american novel and trying to write a screenplay about the second coming at the moment, kind of a liberal vulgarian response to those stupid left behind books. which isn't to say that i'm just completely mocking religion and spirituality, 'cause i'm actually really into that kind of stuff, just more in a universalist, we're all in this boat together kind of way, in fact we are part of the boat once you get down to it. i finished up some silly film school, learning all the technical nuts and bolts of filmmaking, now that i've got that under my belt i plan on directing crazy independent movies featuring lots of sex, drugs and rock and roll in them. in the meantime, i'm kinda taking a break from life and getting all my ducks in a row in preperation for the great duck parade. quack!

People assume that
showing vulnerability means
you're weak,
but they're wrong -
- real strength lies in
the ability
to be open.

if he does not shine, he is darkness

if he does not shine, he is darkness

i must forgive these sins before i make myself die for them.
what if it is the village we have made of our minds in which no prophet is accepted?
are we delusional for wanting to be the prophets of our own lives?
"Preach from your housetops that which you will hear in your ear. For no one lights a lamp and puts it under a bushel, nor does he put it in a hidden place, but rather he sets it on a lampstand so that everyone who enters and leaves will see its light."
"Do not be concerned from morning until evening and from evening until morning about what you will wear."
"When you disrobe without being ashamed and take up your garments and place them under your feet like little children and tread on them, then will you see the son of the living one, and you will not be afraid"
"Become passers-by."
"If two make peace with each other in this one house, they will say to the mountain, 'Move Away,' and it will move away."
"If they say to you, 'Where did you come from?', say to them, 'We came from the light, the place where the light came into being on its own accord and established itself and became manifest through their image.' If they say to you, 'Is it you?', say, 'We are its children, we are the elect of the living father.' If they ask you, 'What is the sign of your father in you?', say to them, 'It is movement and repose.'"
"Whoever has come to understand the world has found a corpse, and whoever has found a corpse is superior to the world."
"Blessed is the man who has suffered and found life."
"There was a rich man who had much money. He said, 'I shall put my money to use so that I may sow, reap, plant, and fill my storehouse with produce, with the result that I shall lack nothing.' Such were his intentions, but that same night he died. Let him who has ears hear."
"Show me the stone which the builders have rejected. That one is the cornerstone."
"If one who knows the all still feels a personal deficiency, he is completely deficient."
"Blessed are you when you are hated and persecuted. Wherever you have been persecuted they will find no place."
"Blessed are they who have been persecuted within themselves. It is they who have truly come to know the father. Blessed are the hungry, for the belly of him who desires will be filled."
"That which you have will save you if you bring it forth from yourselves. That which you do not have within you will kill you if you do not have it within you."
"Many are standing at the door, but it is the solitary who will enter the bridal chamber."
"The images are manifest to man, but the light in them remains concealed in the image of the light of the father. He will become manifest, but his image will remain concealed by his light."
"When you see your likeness, you rejoice. But when you see your images which came into being before you, and which neither die not become manifest, how much you will have to bear!"
"Adam came into being from a great power and a great wealth, but he did not become worthy of you. For had he been worthy, he would not have experienced death."
"The foxes have their holes and the birds have their nests, but the son of man has no place to lay his head and rest."
"Wretched is the body that is dependant upon a body, and wretched is the soul that is dependent on these two."
"The angels and the prophets will come to you and give to you those things you have. And you too, give them those things which you have, and say to yourselves, 'When will they come and take what is theirs?'"
"Seek and you will find. Yet, what you asked me about in former times and which I did not tell you then, now I do desire to tell, but you do not inquire after it."
"If you have money, do not lend it at interest, but give it to one from whom you will not get it back."
"The kingdom of the father is like a certain woman. She took a little leaven, concealed it in some dough, and made it into large loaves. Let him who has ears hear."
"The kingdom of the father is like a certain woman who was carrying a jar full of meal. While she was walking on the road, still some distance from home, the handle of the jar broke and the meal emptied out behind her on the road. She did not realize it; she had noticed no accident. When she reached her house, she set the jar down and found it empty."
"The kingdom of the father is like a certain man who wanted to kill a powerful man. In his own house he drew his sword and stuck it into the wall in order to find out whether his hand could carry through. Then he slew the powerful man."
"He who knows the father and the mother will be called the son of a harlot."
"The kingdom is like a shepherd who had a hundred sheep. One of them, the largest, went astray. He left the ninety-nine sheep and looked for that one until he found it. When he had gone to such trouble, he said to the sheep, 'I care for you more than the ninety-nine.'"
"He who will drink from my mouth will become like me. I myself shall become he, and the things that are hidden will be revealed to him."
"The kingdom is like a man who had a hidden treasure in his field without knowing it. And after he died, he left it to his son. The son did not know. He inherited the field and sold it. And the one who bought it went plowing and found the treasure. He began to lend money at interest to whomever he wished."
"Whoever finds the world and becomes rich, let him renounce the world."
"The heavens and the earth will be rolled up in your presence. And the one who lives from the living one will not see death."
"Whoever finds himself is superior to the world."
"Woe to the flesh that depends on the soul; woe to the soul that depends on the flesh."





When will the kingdom come?






It will not come by waiting for it. It will not be a matter of saying 'here it is' or 'there it is.' Rather, the kingdom of the father is spread out upon the earth, and men do not see it.





let us manifest the kingdom thru every moment, thru every experience and perception, for what we do not manifest we project, and what we project we invest our faith in, that it may rule over us. let us manifest our faith in what is good, what is just, what will lift the spirit. let us invest our faith not in you and me, in fucker and fuckee, but in the connections that exist between us and bind us, in the all in all, in the entirety of the universe in every moment. let us be here together. all this creation needs is your complete and undivided, unprojected faith. then will the kingdom be manifest.

more of the door

more of the door

no matter how high the drugs may get you, God will always be the most high.

chris connel aka -big c- wrote this comment on my lj (woo html skills!)

anyhow, here's the key part of what he said:

--every chalange is a big barrier. the trick / key / thing to do is to find your way around it. busting through, jumping over, making a door, FINDING a door, and burrowing under are all suitable anwsers, depending on the situation. the whole thing is bigger than we can imagine, i think. --

which was totally awesome and inspired me to (essentially) reply thusly:

--yes! just to know that there is a way to find that door is the first step to take in the process. that there will always be a way to enter a different situation.
rather than seeing the need to escape the present situation, find the entrance to the next situation in that present moment.
if we could just recognize the scale of what we've already imagined, we could begin to see how much more there will always be. we've become so dissmissive of the scope of the imagination, as if it is something to grow out of. child's play.
maybe we're afraid to grow out of our nightmares. creatures from the id!
we're afraid that the more power we take in the situation, the more power the demons we keep hidden beneath the surface will gain with us.
maybe (we need to learn) to stop trying to take power, and just accept that we already have it,
that we can always wake up from our nightmares. --

last night joe and i watched forbidden planet. my uncle marvin's favorite movie. i remember seeing that when i was just a little kid and being so totally blown away by it.
i think between that and listening to a tape of ray bradbury short stories when i was a tid bit older of a youngster were about as influential on my view of reality as anything else in my life.

we talked about all these concepts while having a smoke. sometimes i forget how long i've been carrying them with me.

the circularity of life is amazing. it's like we have to return to the innocence and wonder of our life when it was new, but with all the understanding we've since acquired to use as a new starting point. maybe that's what escaping reincarnation entails. to keep the spiral forever moving outward, to break free from the circularity.

death is just another bad habit.
and so they say that habits are diseases.

doubt is a habit too.
overcome yr doubt,
overcome yr dis-ease,
overcome death.

recognize the habits of yr demons and break free from them.
live a life of every new moment.

creativity will always overcome repetition.

it's not the message, it's how you're interpreting it

it's not the message, it's how you're interpreting it

my mom wrote me this in an email today. i don't necessarily share her views of God or whathaveyou, but i can translate it into my own idea of everything and make it work for me.

--she wrote--
Have to tell you about Grandma's funny dream. She was laughing about it but I love it. She said it was just really brief. She was standing in a room full of people and she looked over and saw the back of a guy in a black leather jacket and she knew it was Jesus. She said she went over to him and patted him on the back (never saw his face) and said, "it's not easy being human, is it?"

I am so excited!! I feel like all of a sudden my pent-up purpose has been loosed! You won't believe this piano piece I've written and it was like no effort at all. It just spilled out of me. How in the world did it take Mr. Holland 25 years to write his Opus? Once you open the flood gates you can't hold it back. I can't wait to start on the next. All these years I've been trying to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing (taking care of my family has always been first but I always knew there was more) Children's books? Songwriter? (still have an interest there) Screenwriter?? (fairly new interest) Composer - YES!! But why just that? I feel like I'd like to learn to play more instruments, learn to paint, learn photography. Why can't I be a jack of many trades? I know this has a lot to do with the fact that I finally said I'm not doing anything anymore unless I feel God is directing me. I'm not taking a job just because Dad wants me to, or Ed L. has a brother-in-law needing help or Dien Tu has the "perfect" job. I'm not budging unless I know it's God. Voila! Maybe my breakthru was as simple (or profoundly difficult, depending on your point of view) as that!

--i replied--
that sounds great! i've been feeling the same way. i feel like i've been placing too many limits on what i've been able to accomplish for a long time. but, at the same time, i don't feel like i'd be able to accomplish the things i now know i can without having to go thru that period of doubt and confusion. it's so easy to delay something until we feel we've taken care of the "important things" when it's this lack of harmony between our dreams and our responsibilities that has been impeding the gracious flow of both. i think we have to learn to stop viewing things that may seem to be obstacles as problems and start looking for the doorway that will lead thru them with/to inspiration. stop looking for the affliction and start looking for the miracle.

i'm excited! i think that, the more we learn to surrender to this, the more grace and inspiration we will find ourselves in. we will be led to the places we need to be and see the doors being open before us in continuous succession upon greater and great opportunities.

--so that was that. feel free to make of it what you will. feel free to make of anything what you will. don't worry about the other guy's interpretation; the only thing that matters is what it means to you.

"Let's not split hairs. There's no time for that, and your life is going too well to get bogged down in your anxieties or the minor points. Stick to the larger principles that are at stake, and be generous if that ever shows the promise of solving a problem or moving the situation along. Direct all your energy at making constructive gains, because in so doing, that's the pattern you're going to weave into the tapestry of your life, and of the people close to you. There are some who say you cannot escape fate. I say you cannot escape faith. You have to have faith in something, and right now, it's easier than it's ever been. "

open up yr heart and you'll find it all there waiting patiently

open up yr heart and you'll find it all there waiting patiently

drawing a map of yr own heart is a challenging process.
what is the meaning of one heart beating in solitude?
arteries connect to veins to circulate life thruout the entire organism.
our weaknesses provide the passion that fuels our strengths.
the way to free our strength is to recognize our weakness.
understand what has fueled them,
see their redundancy in our life and in the lives of others.
we've lived thru these limitations.
the moment of true undertanding is the moment of transcendence.
everyone is already free in the superstructure.
the substructured system is the housing of individuality,
individuality being defined by the weakness of one compared to the strength of another.
within the superstructure all is equality.
one entity co-creating together.

christ is the true superego.

the mathematic result of all-togetherness.

the artist pulls inspiration from christ within, runs it thru the filter of their individuality and then shines it back to christ without.

thusly is christ individuated.

jesus was an inspired artist.

god is you talking to yrself thru every available outlet.

this is it. and this. and this. and even this too.

welcome to the age of the internal messiah.

welcome to the mirror.

something i didn’t write that summarizes a train of thought i’ve been riding on (pts. 1-3)

something i didn’t write that summarizes a train of thought i’ve been riding on (pts. 1-3)

1

3rd-Dimensional Relationships
The way relationships normally work with us here in our 3rd dimension.
SEPARATION
Separation is only an illusion. Separation from the God Source. Separation from each other. And separation from aspects of our self.
SECRECY
Witholding information from my partner & from myself. With secrecy, my partner never gets to know who I truly am. Keeps me separated from the greater portion of myself.
FEAR-BASED MONOGAMY
Through my monogamous relationship, I am "separated" from the vulnerability of having to deal with any other relationships.
Therefore, I feel "safe" (separate and safe).
CONDITIONAL LOVE
I will love you, only so long as you fulfill my needs and expectations. I will withdraw my love, if you do not satisfy me.
COMMITTMENT
I need committment, in order to avoid my fear of having to deal with other relationships. Committment is a 3rd-dimensional illusion. Committment never insures my security. Committment only makes me think or feel that I am secure.
EXPECTATION
I want, expect, and try to get my partner to fulfill my expectations and needs. I use my partner to satisfy my needs.
MANIPULATION
I use obvious or hidden manipulation so that my needs will be met, and so that I can remain protected from my own fears. I only see my partner as who I need them to be, not who they really are.
THE NEED TO CONTROL
I do not trust that everything that occurs is for my highest good. Therefore, I need to control and shape the relationship, so that it will take the form I wish it to be. I feel like I "own" my partner.
RELATIONSHIP takes Precedence
to PERSONAL GROWTH
DEPENDENCY
I depend on and need someone outside of myself in order to be happy.
A PERSON CAN NOT FULLY LOVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
3-D emphasizes Duality. If my partner begins to also love another person, that means he/she will have
less love for me. (This is an illusion.) My partner spending LESS TIME with me is not good.
PAIN
There is always pain when I function from the 3-D relationships "mind-set".
ENDING A RELATIONSHIP creates PAIN & LOSS.
FEAR or PAIN of LONELINESS
Loneliness, like separation, is a 3-D illusion.
ANGER AT ANOTHER
(Externalized anger) I am angry at my partner for not meeting my needs!
VICTIMHOOD
"Hurters" & "Victims" I sometimes hurt others. I am sometimes hurt by the comments or actions of others. "Hurters" & "Victims" is an illusion. There is no victimhood, since each one creates their own reality.
FEELING RESPONSIBLE for
the NEEDS of my PARTNER
My partner is seeking to have their needs met externally by me, but a person's needs can never really be met by anyone else, so they are bound to eventually get angry at me, for not fulfilling their needs.


4th-Dimensional Relationships
The way relationships normally work on the 4th dimension.
INTEGRATION + REINTEGRATION
Everything and everyone are really all connected.
HONESTY + OPENNESS
Total honesty with my partner. With honesty, my partner gets to know who I truly am. Honesty means being 100% who I truly am.
I do not withold a comment or information just to avoid hurting my partner, or to control the relationship.
I can never really know or predict what will hurt another or how they will react to my honesty. Therefore, I should stop assuming responsibility for the other person's emotions, growth, & reactions to my honest non-manipulative communications.
RELATIONSHIPS BY CHOICE
Monogamy-by-choice or Poly-Fidelity-by-choice.
There is no inherent "right" or "wrong" to any type of relationship: They are all inherently neutral. Any type of relationship is "okay". If I choose monogamy, this does not mean that I expect or need my partner to also choose monogamy.
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Even if you don't fulfill my needs and expectations, I will still love you. I love you for who you are without trying to change you.
BEING IN THE PRESENT
Committment would take me out of the present. I stay in the present, and I do not need a committment, because I trust that the future will take care of itself.
NO EXPECTATIONS
I trust and have no expectations from my partner.
I enjoy my partner, but without expectations.
ALLOWINGNESS
I allow my partner to be who they need to be. Only then can I see who they truly are.
ABSOLUTE TRUST
I trust that everything that occurs is for my highest good. Therefore, I have no desire or need to control my partner.
PERSONAL GROWTH takes Precedence SELF-SUFFICIENCY
I recognize that I, and only I, am the creator of my own reality. Therefore, only I, am the generator of my own Happiness.
A PERSON CAN FULLY LOVE
MORE THAN ONE PERSON.
4-D emphasizes Multiplicity. No matter how many other people my partner loves, this does not diminish at all, in any way, how much love he/she has for me. No matter how many other people I love, this does not diminish at all, in any way, how much love I have for my partner. My partner spending LESS TIME with me is fine. If I truly love myself unconditionally, then the time spent with myself is equal in value to the time spent with my partner. I love myself as much as I love my partner. Therefore, the time I spend alone is just as enjoyable as the time spent with my partner. Therefore, it's okay if I spend less time with my partner.
HAPPINESS, PLEASURE, & ECSTACY
There is never any pain, only happiness, pleasure, and ecstacy, when I function from the 4-D relationships "mind-set".
ENDING A RELATIONSHIP
does not create PAIN & LOSS.
In realizing that this relationship is no longer serving us, we choose to harmoniously end it. We recognize that the relationship is going in different directions, and so we allow it to end, without any hard feelings. Only with love.
FEELING CONNECTED
to SIGNIFICANT OTHERS.
Even if my partner is far away (in space), or even if I haven't seen my partner for a long time (in time), I still feel very connected to them. Whereas separation is an illusion, being actually connected-together is the reality.
ANGER AT MYSELF
(Internalized anger) I am angry at myself for creating a reality that I do not prefer.
I CREATE MY OWN REALITY.
Self-Responsibility
Self-Empowerment
I create my own reality, and this even includes other people's reactions to my actions. I can never be hurt by another person. I can never hurt another person. Only I am responsible for my reactions to other people's comments or actions.
BEING RESPONSIBLE for
what I would like to GIVE to
My PARTNER & our RELATIONSHIP
I am pure in my intention in my relationship. I am 100% who I truly am with my partner. I am responsible for what, in my integrity, I would like to give to our relationship.


2

(the reply in a salon.com since you asked... article)
How do you and I, with our myriad difficulties and lack of understanding, our lack of connections and affability, our inner machinery of self-defeat, how do we reconcile this? How do we reconcile creativity with the practical requirements of living?

To be blunt: Maybe we do and maybe we don't. But we start by being honest. We start with a self-correcting catechism of ego deflation: The world doesn't owe us a living. Instead, we owe the world. We have been entrusted with something.

This is not easy. We are beset with problems. We are grandiose and irritable. In certain ways, we are the worst of people. We do not make especially good members of the community. We do not put out fires or save babies from pneumonia. We spend our days messing with paint or digitizing sounds. We are often egotistical and secretive, inauthentic and emotionally starved. We are not particularly good friends because we think mainly of ourselves. We do not necessarily make great parents or teachers.

And we get bored easily. We create artistic business ventures and have difficulties with them. We pay insufficient attention to the matter of revenue. In short, we act as if the world owes us a living. We say, "Come out and support the arts!" And then we sit on a Tuesday night in an empty club feeling betrayed and confused.

But the whole premise was wrong from the start.

The big picture is this: The debt is ours. We got a little extra soup. We found money on the beach.

Of course, we can deny this debt. We can avoid the situation altogether. Many people do this -- gifted with angelic voice or poetic storytelling ability or fine natural draftsmanship, they go into bond trading or auto repair. And why not? Nobody is offering them a job as a singer or storyteller or artist.

So welcome to the world. The world asks more of those in whom it has entrusted its gifts. It asks that we maintain a healthy standard of living plus devote many hours to music, practicing scales, and to art, drawing from life, working with color and meditating to keep the demons from revolt, and to writing nonsense that must be written, reading in search of wisdom or God, thinking, thinking, thinking -- and sometimes to more and stranger things: sleeping a lot to find peace, going on retreat, flirting with madness.

It is our responsibility to ourselves and to the world to do these things, to find ways to take care of ourselves, not to become a burden but to offer what we have. Toward that end, there is much to be said for scaling down our ambitions so that we can practice our art or our craft or our calling in a way that is regular and routine. We must work hard at it. We must work steadily. But we must not expect to be rewarded overmuch for this, any more than someone who works for 40 years in insurance should expect to gain worldwide fame for structuring annuities in original and brilliant ways. We work quietly and steadily on our craft.

Consider this as well: We know how but we don't know how we know how. How do we know how to do what we do? How do we know what we know? We don't know. We don't know how we know.

The trapeze artist flies through the air and says, Like this! Do it like this!

But how ... how ... how? We can barely follow her movements with our eyes.

We don't know how we do it, so often we cannot teach it. All we can do is offer the structure in which others may learn; we can maintain the space in which the practice can be learned. We can sweep up after class and answer questions. We can say, Keep going! Keep going! Keep going! Do not be afraid!

So I don't know exactly what you ought to do. I think mainly your task is one of managing and distributing your creative endeavors, and also managing your money so that you can support these endeavors. In doing this, I suggest you try to separate your ego needs from your artistic needs. They are not the same thing. Your ego, starved as it is for support and encouragement, may well be the source of your grandiosity and hostility, the far poles of egomania and debasement between which the unmoored ego swings. So think of this, if you will: Your ego hunger is not your creative side. Your creative side is that which actually works -- the joy you feel when listening, your actions, your performances, the things you actually create. If you are like me, you may often fantasize in impossible ways; perhaps you have fantasized since you were a young person that your creations will gain you worldwide adoration. I find myself -- ashamed as I am to say it -- fantasizing in this way. It has a childish quality to it, this fantasy. It feels like a narcissistic fantasy to some extent, the child imagining himself admired, like the baby Jesus, a hero born to a virgin.

This is crazy stuff, of course. That is the point. There is crazy stuff going on inside. But that is the deep structure speaking. And that deep structure is where we work. We try to create surfaces whose roots can be felt in that deep structure.

Have you ever seen kelp on the surface of the Pacific and marveled at how deep it goes, how far down in the dark, cold waters it is anchored on rocks and reefs and, who knows, sometimes on the hulks of shipwrecks? What we try to do is create surfaces that one feels are anchored deeply. You see the kelp bed, undulating in the waves, and you sense the depth of the water.


3

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

-Oriah Mountain Dreamer

cover letter

cover letter

first off, i might as well come out and say i'm a pretty lousy pitchman. i certainly have always felt distasteful of the idea of 'selling' myself, my 'art', etc. i've tended to take as much of a DIY approach as possible to most endeavors, rarely forming long lasting collaborations. i'd like to think at this point i'm less full of myself then i used to be, yet that still doesn't wash the distaste out of my mouth.
perhaps half the problem is the fact that i know how easy it would be to package some sort of presentation in a nice little bow that, as it unraveled, pressed all your buttons in just the right way. i don't like writing like that.
maybe i'm a bit of a sarcastic ass; maybe i'm adopting a pose as a defense against some sort of inevitable failure to actually communicate from my heart and reach you there.
i'm a fucking fullashit artist, what can i say?
i can't battle my guts on this one, i gotta shoot from the hip or turn the gun on myself here.
but narcissism never wins people over, what else've i got?

i'm trying to define my art for my own sake.
post-ironic absurdism is my current favorite label. not that labels are always a good thing.
trying to approach this idea thru a lens of post-apathetic detachment.
viewing the absurdity of modern life without judgment.
i want to document success and failure with total compassion, to create the kind of art that blows your mind as it pries open your heart. i want to confront the terrors and the ecstasies of the human condition.
i want to do this in a way that still feels humble.
this is obviously a tremendous challenge. pretensions such as these can be crippling to any writer. why do i think i can pull it off?
and thusly, we reach the crux of the matter. it's to myself that i have to prove my worth.
as some of my ideas have solidified i've often been struck with the audacity of what i'm attempting to pull off. but why not? is it the fear of failure that has prevented me from attempting such feats before?
it's taken a while for humility to get a firm grip in my life, not that you'd know it from this letter. and yet it's so easy to let the idea of humility completely undercut your ambitions. i certainly can't adopt a meek attitude here. faith and passion are my fuel; humility keeps me from doing burnouts in the parking lot all the time.

something i didn’t write that summarizes a train of thought i’ve been riding on (pts. 4-6)

something i didn’t write that summarizes a train of thought i’ve been riding on (pts. 4-6)

4

Just as we are undergoing a second stage of the process of shamanic initiation that was curtailed at the end of the 1960s, we have entered a wiser and more integrated phase of the Sexual Revolution that crested thirty-five years ago. A more conscious approach to erotic relationships requires a sympathetic awareness of the differences between men and women, and an acceptance of individual distinctions as well.

....

In a culture that allows for and encourages individual variety in relationship and sexual preferences, some people will remain happily monogamous, but some will prefer to create new models combining personal liberation, self-discipline, and commitment. A deeper integration of masculine and feminine energies could only happen through a compact based on trust, cooperation, acceptance of difference, and a willingness to collaborate in exploration.

Historically, cultural change starts with the few and moves to the many. If a small group — an alternative culture defined by self-awareness and acceptance of difference — makes a real shift in their expression of sexual polarity, love, and relationship dynamics, this new model could quickly become available to a much larger population. Lately, I see many signs of this change happening in the communities that I visit, as if some ancient wall of silence, judgment, and accumulated mistrust between men and women is finally crumbling, allowing for new levels of communion.

-Daniel Pinchbeck, The Sexual Revolution, Take Two


5

The body is a fence the Son of God imagines he has built, to separate parts of his Self from other parts. It is within this fence he thinks he lives, to die as it decays and crumbles. For within this fence he thinks that he is safe from love. Identifying with his safety, he regards himself as what his safety is. How else could he be certain he remains within the body, keeping love outside?

The body will not stay. Yet this he sees as double safety. For the Son of God's impermanence is "proof" his fences work, and do the task his mind assigns to them. For if his oneness still remained untouched, who could attack and who could be attacked? Who could be victor? Who could be his prey? Who could be victim? Who the murderer? And if he did not die, what "proof" is there that God's eternal Son can be destroyed?

The body is a dream. Like other dreams it sometimes seems to picture happiness, but can quite suddenly revert to fear, where every dream is born. For only love creates in truth, and truth can never fear. Made to be fearful, must the body serve the purpose given it. But we can change the purpose that the body will obey by changing what we think that it is for.

The body is the means by which God's Son returns to sanity. Though it was made to fence him into hell without escape, yet has the goal of Heaven been exchanged for the pursuit of hell. The Son of God extends his hand to reach his brother, and to help him walk along the road with him. Now is the body holy. Now it serves to heal the mind that it was made to kill.

You will identify with what you think will make you safe. Whatever it may be, you will believe that it is one with you. Your safety lies in truth, and not in lies. Love is your safety. Fear does not exist. Identify with love, and you are safe. Identify with love, and you are home. Identify with love, and find your Self.

-A Course in Miracles

6

Atonement is for all, because it is the way to undo the belief that anything is for you alone. To forgive is to overlook. Look, then, beyond error and do not let your perception rest upon it, for you will believe what your perception holds. Accept as true only what your brother is, if you would know yourself. Perceive what he is not and you cannot know what you are, because you see him falsely. Remember always that your Identity is shared, and that Its sharing is Its reality.

You have a part to play in the Atonement, but the plan of the Atonement is beyond you. You do not understand how to overlook errors, or you would not make them. It would merely be further error to believe either that you do not make them, or that you can correct them without a Guide to correction. And if you do not follow this Guide, your errors will not be corrected. The plan is not yours because of your limited ideas about what you are. This sense of limitation is where all errors arise. The way to undo them, therefore, is not of you but for you.

The Atonement is a lesson in sharing, which is given you because you have forgotten how to do it. The Holy Spirit merely reminds you of the natural use of your abilities. By reinterpreting the ability to attack into the ability to share, he translates what you have made into what God created. If you would accomplish this through him you cannot look on your abilities through the eyes of the ego, or you will judge them as it does. All their harmfulness lies in the ego's judgment. All their helpfulness lies in the judgment of the Holy Spirit.

The ego, too, has a plan of forgiveness because you are asking for one, though not of the right teacher. The ego's plan, of course, makes no sense and will not work. By following its plan you will merely place yourself in an impossible situation, to which the ego always leads you. The ego's plan is to have you see error clearly first, and then overlook it. Yet how can you overlook what you have made real? By seeing it clearly, you have made it real and cannot overlook it. This is where the ego is forced to appeal to "mysteries," insisting that you must accept the meaningless to save yourself. Many have tried to do this in my name, forgetting that my words make perfect sense because they come from God. They are as sensible now as they ever were, because they speak of ideas that are eternal.

Forgiveness that is learned of me does not use fear to undo fear. Nor does it make real the unreal and then destroy it. Forgiveness through the Holy Spirit lies simply in looking beyond error from the beginning, and thus keeping it unreal for you. Do not let any belief in its realness enter your mind, or you will also believe that you must undo what you have made in order to be forgiven. What has no effect does not exist, and to the Holy Spirit the effects of error are nonexistent. By steadily and consistently cancelling out all its effects, everywhere and in all respects, he teaches that the ego does not exist and proves it.

Follow the Holy Spirit's teaching in forgiveness, then, because forgiveness is his function and he knows how to fulfill it perfectly. That is what I meant when I said that miracles are natural, and when they do not occur something has gone wrong. Miracles are merely the sign of your willingness to follow the Holy Spirit's plan of salvation, recognizing that you do not understand what it is. His work is not your function, and unless you accept this you cannot learn what your function is.

The confusion of functions is so typical of the ego that you should be quite familiar with it by now. The ego believes that all functions belong to it, even though it has no idea what they are. This is more than mere confusion. It is a particularly dangerous combination of grandiosity and confusion that makes the ego likely to attack anyone and anything for no reason at all. This is exactly what the ego does. It is unpredictable in its responses, because it has no idea of what it perceives.

If you have no idea what is happening, how appropriately can you expect to react? You might ask yourself, regardless of how you may account for the reaction, whether its unpredictability places the ego in a sound position as your guide. Let me repeat that the ego's qualifications as a guide are singularly unfortunate, and that it is a remarkably poor choice as a teacher of salvation. Anyone who elects a totally insane guide must be totally insane himself. Nor is it true that you do not realize the guide is insane. You realize it because I realize it, and you have judged it by the same standard I have.

The ego literally lives on borrowed time, and its days are numbered. Do not fear the Last Judgment, but welcome it and do not wait, for the ego's time is "borrowed" from your eternity. This is the Second Coming that was made for you as the First was created. The Second Coming is merely the return of sense. Can this possibly be fearful?

What can be fearful but fantasy, and who turns to fantasy unless he despairs of finding satisfaction in reality? Yet it is certain that you will never find satisfaction in fantasy, so that your only hope is to change your mind about reality. Only if the decision that reality is fearful is wrong can God be right. And I assure you that God is right. Be glad, then, that you have been wrong, but this was only because you did not know who you were. Had you known, you could no more have been wrong than God can.

The impossible can happen only in fantasy. When you search for reality in fantasies you will not find it. The symbols of fantasy are of the ego, and of these you will find many. But do not look for meaning in them. They have no more meaning than the fantasies into which they are woven. Fairy tales can be pleasant or fearful, but no one calls them true. Children may believe them, and so, for a while, the tales are true for them. Yet when reality dawns, the fantasies are gone. Reality has not gone in the meanwhile. The Second Coming is the awareness of reality, not its return.

Behold, my child, reality is here. It belongs to you and me and God, and is perfectly satisfying to all of Us. Only this awareness heals, because it is the awareness of truth.

- A Course in Miracles

blue planetary storm

blue planetary storm

http://www.astrodreamadvisor.com/free_mayan_readings.html

..> ..>

Blue Storm is your Conscious Self - who you are and who you are becoming. Blue Storm is the initiation by fire, the lightning path, the arrival of the thunderbeings who bring the final transformation. To the Maya, Blue Storm represents the storm, the thundercloud full of purifying rain, and the lightning that shatters any false structuring of reality. Blue Storm is the purification of the 'body temple' and the ignition of the light body. In these last years of a twenty-six-thousand-year Mayan grand cycle, Blue Storm comes to help you in the disintegration process that moves you from separation to ascension. This initiation by fire breaks any false containers of self that cannot withstand the flame of transmutation. Only your true identity will live through these fires, for you will be reborn in the heart of All That Is. Blue Storm provides the water that purifies and quenches your spiritual thirst. In this state of consciousness, you stand willing to surrender everything. You give up what you seem to be in order to become fully what you are. You step into the fires of the unknown, and you are changed forever. Allow Blue Storm's storm to purify and cleanse you. Blue Storm catalyzes and prepares your nervous system and circuitry for complete transformation. It is the electromagnetic storm of transmutation, the clearing and quickening of your physical, mental, emotional, and etheric bodies. As you become aligned with the descending energies, and evolve in consciousness, you body's vibration is raised, becoming less 'dense'. Your new alignment ignites the quickening process that transmutes the shadows of the past, including experiences, judgements, thoughtforms, and old patterns that have held you back. As you move into this new vibration, you may feel off balance. In this transformational shift, you will feel unusual quickenings on every level of your being. You will sense emotional and physical 'imbalances' and restructuring. Your issues will be catalyzed and brought out for you to address. By being present with your old patterns you have a unique opportunity to access the energy of Blue Storm, which is experienced as an inner transformational 'storm', a natural part of the process of vibrational shift and quickening. Whether you are experiencing these changes consciously or unconsicously, the vibrational change is adjusting your energy pattern to accomodate the flow of the language of light. These new frequencies feed you on every level of your being. As your transformation progresses, you quickly become aware of the unconscious material you still need to process. No longer can you escape the effects of your belief systems. Fears and negative images can all be felt very quickly. The transformation is experienced as if it were happening 'from the inside out'. Things seem to 'cook' inside you. Remember that you have chosen to take part in this rebirth, both on a planetary and a personal level - the planetary dream, the miracle on Earth, is what brought you here! You are becoming the living model of the new reality. As an emissary of the great change, you are a transformer of the collective myth. Riding the crest of the wave, you are travelling both outward and inward on your journey home - for yourself and for all those who will follow after you. A simple catalyst for this catapulting force is the integration of duality within. The personal integration of shadow is what will create the miracle! Personal shadow is simply that which is separated from the full light of consciousness. By integrating shadow, you are freed from delusions of right or wrong, good and evil. Shadow provides an opportunity for you to bring in all of your expanded essence. Consciousness is a structural metaphor that is calling for transformation. As your consciousness becomes crystallized, narrow, and complex, it invites the process of dissipaton to 'unravel' and break it free. As you travel the spiral vortex of light, expanding into ever-widening realms of truth, your crystallized energy breaks down and trasncends form. This process can be very intense, but if you embrace it, you can be transformed into a freed adventurer - a divine actor who can play any part without becoming attached to it. Blue Hand is your Higher Self & Guide. Blue Hand is a gateway, an opening, a portal from one understanding to another. A clue to the meaning of Blue Hand is found in the meditation, "I am, by thinly veiled design, the threshold to other dimensions. In my ending is my beginning. The initatory gateway awaits." Blue Hand is the seventh or last archetype in the cycle of development of primary being. It represents the power found in completion. Blue Hand is seen as a closure, which is really an opening to another level of being. Like the fluidity of moving water, Blue Hand is associated with the process of dance, mudra, and beauty. This movement is a metaphor for the ebb and flow of life. In meditation with Manik, experience the flowing quality that is the beauty of the cosmic dance. Remember this essence and this fluidity at times when your life feels most inflexible or lacking in beauty. Blue Hand represents the 'beauty way', the ability to see intrinsic beauty within yourself and in all things. Living the beauty way requires being in your full beauty and power. From this place, your self-authority naturally flows. This is the position where your ego is aligned with divine will. When you are standing in your full beauty and power, your very presence invites others to be all that they are. To the Maya, Blue Hand represents the deer, the gentle, serenely aware guide who walks in fluid beauty and grace, opening and revealing. The energy of Blue Hand will also help you to manifest spiritual skills - especially those intuitive gifts such as oracular divination. In each incarnation, you bring certain gifts. Each path - from priest and priestess to shaman and dancer to artist and gardener - carries varied tools and skills. You have chosen certain gifts and tools that offer you a way to interact with others and your life process. This may be as simple as calling on your innate wisdom and insight in order to see clearly the gifts and tools that you carry. White Wind is your Subconscious Self and Hidden Helper. White Wind is the galactic wind, the catalyzing current, the Spirit that moves through all things. It is the divine breath that gives life to all creation, the unseen essence of solar energy. White Wind is the breath of inspiration, the fertilizing force of the wind. Its essence is the movement of Spirit as it penetrates into form to enliven, purify and inspire. Receive the gift of White Wind by simply taking a conscious breath. Amidst the seemign complexity, beathe consciously. Allow your life to be more like the wind, free-flowing and open to Spirit. White Wind represents spontaneity and simplicity. As you experience the truth of the present moment, White Wind leaves you free to move on to the next moment without the baggage of desire, regret or expectation. White Wind is the simple knowledge that invisible forces are always moving in your life, guiding and inspiring. White Wind also embodies the concept of presence. Presence is an expression of beingness, a creator of intimacy. It has to do with being wise in your simplicity. From simple beingness, your true identity emerges. Presence is being open, aware, and in the now. Presence is 'being there' for whatever is. Think back to a time when someone looked deeply into your eyes, acknowledging your beingness with their full presence. Remember how wonderful and intimate that felt. When you wnat to be intimate with someone, become equally open, aware, and present. When you bring your awareness into the present moment, everything else falls away. When you are fully present, your mind is not preparing responses to what it is hearing while you're listening and feeling. Drop your evaluating and reactive nature. Trust that your heart will have the appropriate response when the time comes. Allow your mind to be quietly responsive, like a pool of water, natural in its unconditional acceptance of the moment. Presence is simple. It is like being caught in the moment by the beauty of nature. Presence is your natural state of being. When you are present, your heart feels open, charged, full. When you are present, whether alone or with another, you are loose and relaxed. Time may seem to slow down. You can expand your awareness with ease, allowing yourself to truly see and be seen. You let your feelings speak through your eyes, and the 'feeling channel' in you breathes freely, without expectation or judgement. Red Moon represents your Challenge and Gift. With maturity and awareness this challenge will turn into a Focus. This is what you desire to learn in this lifetime. One shadow of Red Moon is the tendency to float in the river of forgetfulness, feeling separate from clear awareness and guidance. Due to the influence of the collective trance, you may have unthinkingly accepted the beliefs and values of your culture. Because of the illusion of separation from the Divine, this trance may have deepened your experience of forgetting. Another shadow aspect of Red Moon is the tendency to direct your life primarily on the desires and needs of your ego instead of opening to the guidance of your Essence Self. Choices at your "growth edge" may feel unsure, for they transform your beliefs on your journey toward wholeness. Your intuitive guidance and internal proddings will trigger remembrance of what seems to have been forgotten. Pay attention to any sensory signs, any guidance that gives you strong feelings. In the larger pattern of cosmic communication that is available in each moment, these signs are painted everywhere. Be the translator-beacon. Let Red Moon awaken the interpreter within you who decodes such signs. Let Red Moon assist you in clearly understanding your perceptions. Remembrance is a natural process. Use it naturally, without becoming obsessed with it. Being overly concerned with remembrance can actually hamper your process. Also be aware of any tendency to look to others for information about your remembrance. As fellow journeyers, we catalyze each other; however, you are the one who truly knows. Don't get lost or confused by looking outside yourself. Another shadow of Red Moon is self-deprecation. In this shadow you may feel like hiding your light so that it limits you from being seen as the beacon you truly are. This tendency can stem from your shy or wounded inner child, whose sensitivity may have been suppressed thorugh life experiences. This may create a desire to withdraw or feelings of aloneness and insecurity. On the other side of this shadow, you may be overidentified with being the beacon for others. Such issues show you what is between you and the clear expression of all that you are. Self-criticism may be supported by internal self-talk, which brings to awareness the negative self-judgements that have been separated unconsciously into shadow. You have picked up your internal critic from the judgements of a critical world. Red Moon invites you to heal the inner critic. Take the blinders off. Make a conscious effort to reframe self-talk that is self-diminishing. Be aware of your response to the judgemental and critical remarks of others. Allow relationships with others to support your fullest expression. As you stand in your own light, you will naturally fulfill that which you came here to do. Yellow Sun is your Compliment - something that comes naturally to you. "I Am that I Am...I Am that I Am...I Am that I Am." This mantra of Yellow Sun is a meditation for accessing the I Am presence that contains great power and universal truth. Yellow Sun is the mystery unveiled, the simplicity of unconditional love and limitless bliss. Known by many names, Yellow Sun is the Solar Lord, the Mind of Light, the Center that is also your center. Yellow Sun is your solar home, the Great Central Sun. Yellow Sun is a reminder that you are, at every moment, in the center of All That Is. In your journey of remembrance, you are crafting a light body to return to a home in the stars that you never really left. Return as a child of the sacred to the Great Central Sun! You are the crown of creation, infused with the blueprint of solar mind. You are a Godseed, the reflection of cosmic consciousness. You are love made visible! Discover the simple secret encoded in Yellow Sun's star-glyph: you are unconditional love, the stone of indestructible liberation. Radiate that knowing in all your thoughts and actions. Love all of creation. Join the dance of light, the fundamental constant of nature, and shine forth the clarity of your true essence. There is great power in simply identifying with the light:"As above, so below." You are in God, and God is in you. As you express unconditional love, you become more than you previously perceived yourself to be. You become illumined, the full manifestation of your divinity. In the embrace of your humanity, accept yourself and others unconditionally. Magnify your full presence. Yellow Sun will come in myriad forms to assist you. Be limitless. Accept and understand the nature of judgement, fear, light and dark within yourself and others. Love and accept yourself and others as you are, freed from previous boundaries. You are the dawning of the solar age. As you move toward your core of light, you will find a clear-light awareness that is innately innocent. In this place, the mind is restored to it's original state of receptivity. Clarity and freedom become expressions of being, and bliss becomes the body. At this core of light, a new reality is born. From the union of the divine masculine and feminine is birthed the solar androgyny of cosmic consciousness. Now we find ourselves in a great awakening. We have the opportunity to retrace our steps, to return to union with Original Cause. We who have deepened the illusion of seperation are now poised to retrieve what seemed to be lost forever. Through the gift of rebirth and ascension, we are reclaiming our original state of union with God. We are going home. The process of rebirth and ascension can be viewed simply as the raising of the vibratory rate of the Earth and her children. It is embodied in the state of consciousness that knows the self as divine. The circlet, or crown, is a symbol of recognizing and knowing that divine self. So the crown as a sacred tool is a universal symbol of the completion of a circle of self-empowerment and self-authority. Full ascension is the freedom to take your physical form with you to other planes and dimensions. In preparation for the ascension, there is an opening and clearing of your light seals and chakras. If you choose to walk this path, know that in the embodiment of your "I Am" self, you will learn to accept all things unconditionally, forgiving and releasing all judgements of yourself and others. The activation of solar mind and ascension is already in progress. In divine fusion, you are becoming the one body of the ascension. Open your heart as a flower to the Sun, and become the same love that holds universes together! Your Tone is Tone 10 - Planetary Intention, true identity, foundation of Essence Self, aligned manifestation. Ten is the ray of manifestation, the foundation of individual self manifesting its true identity, the foundation of Essence Self. A potent manifestation awaits you. Two worlds combine. The key to manifestation in all realms is through clear intention and the embodiment of your divine essence. What does your heart desire to manifest? Begin by aligning with your essence. Essence aligned with intention creates an etheric thoughtform, an "energy matrix image." As long as it is unrestricted by limiting beliefs, the energy pattern emerges and evolves. As it evolves, it aligns with the larger pattern until finally it is released inot manifestation. The Planetary Tone of ten is asking you to look carefully at your own foundations. What structures and belief systems is your reality built on? What foundations motivate your choices? You are now creating a new foundation, walking into all that you are - your Essence Self. As the foundation of your Essence Self emerges, others will recognize your true identity. When you are in resonance with the universe, manifestation is a natural by-product.

astrological naval gazing

astrological naval gazing

Current mood:vital

I have the moon in Taurus right on the Aries/Taurus cusp, so...

Sun Sign Capricorn/Aries Moon

The combination of your Sun and Moon signs produces a very forceful and purposeful personality. You have a strong drive to succeed, and you're willing to work very hard to insure that this becomes a reality. Prestige is vital to your happiness. You know how to impress people, but you steadfastly refuse to give any appearance of bowing and scraping, or to make any gesture of empty flattery. You can be counted on to be tactfully agreeable while barely being able to hold back your own very distinct personal opinions. With some experience, you may at least learn to hold your tongue and exercise a minimal degree of patience when dealing with the many lacking your capacity for putting thought into action. This pairing suggests a rather shrewd quality in your nature, and it likewise makes it very clear that you understand well the ways of the world and you know how to deal with them very effectively. Your brand of tact is to speak softly and carry a big stick; diplomacy combined with a vigorous invulnerability. You have a good head for working out solutions to many sorts of problems. You have an honorable, if gruff, way of dealing with people. You're not one to pull the wool over someone's eyes, but you may do a bit of fast talking to win your point when this becomes necessary. You know how to get a project off the ground, to generate enthusiasm, and get long-range plans into effect. You are the type that will take on so much that you can work yourself into a nervous breakdown if you're not careful. You should learn moderation in work, in opinions, and in the general forcefulness of your nature.

Sun Sign Capricorn/Taurus Moon

The combination of the Sun in Capricorn and the Moon in Taurus creates a very solid and fixed personality. A sense of determination is strongly marked in your nature. You have a realistic and determined mind, and much stability of character. You believe things will work out for the best for you and very often they do. You have little difficulty maintaining a focus on your goals, and you continue to work toward them with a special determination. You ambitions are deep-rooted, with a doggedly persistence of will. You enjoy facing challenges and having many tough problems to solve. You seldom change your mind or alter you path of progress. You are so steadfast in your direction that it is hard for you to adapt to changing conditions. You may lack somewhat in versatility or flexibility, but make up for slowness in adjustment by persistent effort and firmness of judgment. You are a conservative thinker, and you function best in well established affairs. You have a really strong sense of service in your nature and there is something of the Father confessor in you. People find your judicial and calm attitude about life's little problems very reassuring. Your criticism comes in the form of gentle firmness and usually with a smile. Calm judgment and realistic evaluation of conditions help you become a strong executive or professional. You are a manager, an organizer, with solid and practical ideas.

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Sun Sign Capricorn with Cancer Rising

With Cancer rising, others see you as moody. You may seem quite shy, insecure, and super-sensitive. You give off the impression of reacting emotionally to everything, and also appear as someone who is extremely home and family loving.

You are also intensely creative. Others see you as capable of nurturing others in a deep capacity and even if you're a man, there is this "mothering" quality to your persona.

In matters of love, sex and dating, this Ascendant will provide comfort and security to their lover. The ability to turn a relationship into a sanctuary is unparalleled. Sex and emotions can never be separate for Cancer rising, although you can sure this is an extremely sexual sign. Still, for Cancer rising, sex is always better when it comes with love. When this Ascendant does fall in love with someone, the tender affection is an incomparable experience.

In a relationship, Capricorns are a slow starters, but prove to be explosive performers and long-lasting, loyal companions. They are quite skilled with people, once they overcome their initial reserve.

Capricorns strive to conceal their vulnerability beneath a confident veneer of ambition and material success, but passionate Mars is always bubbling just below the surface.

further astrological naval gazing

further astrological naval gazing

interesting that my rising sign is also my n. node...
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Cancer Sign North Node – Your Soul's Mission and Path to Fulfillment

The nodes (south and north node) are two points in an astrological chart that possess priceless information about one's karmic past and soul-destined future. Calculated by using the birth data of the individual, the nodes symbolize the unique life path that one is on and can answer many questions about his own, as well as his partner's, inner struggles and desires -- answers that can transform not only his relationship but his life.

Since there are twelve signs of the zodiac, there are also twelve unique nodal positions -- each pair of nodes (north and south) representing two opposite signs of the zodiac. For instance, a Cancer Sign North Node is paired with a Capricorn Sign South Node because they are opposites. And because they are opposites, they create a clear picture of the dualistic struggle that resides within the Cancer north node/Capricorn south node individual.

Often, the individual is unaware of the war taking place inside, a situation that could go on for years. As time passes he is dumfounded by his inability to progress in life - professionally, emotionally, and spiritually. He doesn't understand why he keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over again and continues to dwell on the past as he desperately dreams of the future.

All of us have our own set of visible (and invisible) struggles to work through -- obstacles that the Nodes of the Moon can help us isolate and resolve while simultaneously freeing us to move forward on our destined path.

We all know that knowledge is power...and that's why I offer a bit of it to you...to give you the strength and courage you need to not only live, but thrive.

This week I'd like to begin with a brief overview of the Cancer North Node/Capricorn South Node position.

To start, let's take a look at some keywords. These words describe the polarity between these two opposing signs and can offer you a glimpse of the soul journey that the individual with this nodal position is on.

Just remember that the south node represents old patterns of being - patterns that have accumulated over lifetimes that now need to be acknowledged and released. The north node, on the other hand, represents the soul's potential - the direction of the future...the behavioral habits that will lead the individual to greater happiness and the kind of life that will fulfill him.

Here are some Capricorn South Node behavioral patterns -- patters that the individual must part with if he is to live an emotionally rich life:

Overly ambitious…pessimistic…insensitive…overly cautious…arrogant…obsessed with the past…disciplinarian…always needs rules…materialistic…unresponsive…stern…stubborn.

Here are some Cancer North Node behavioral patterns that the individual might find foreign at first, but ones that he needs to aspire to if he is to connect to his true potential and the existence his soul both needs and desires:

Nurturing…sensitive…intuitive…maternal…supportive…faithful…tenacious…protective…romantic…values family…devoted…focuses on home…empathetic…emotional.

The journey from a Capricorn south node to a Cancer north node will take some work. But so does everything else that holds so much potential. The key is to never lose sight of the ultimate goal and move towards it until it firmly lies within your hands.

The Cancer north node reveals a soul that has spent numerous incarnations as an opinioned, well-respected, and accomplished member of the community. It worked hard to achieve it’s once prominent level of recognition and enters this lifetimes wanting, needing, and pursuing the same prestige it once had.

The Cancer north node individual also arrives with much inner pride. He has vivid memories of the dignified social presence he once had and can't understand why now, in his present life, he is not getting the respect he knows he deserves. As a result, he spends much of his life trying to regain what he feels he has lost.

In addition to pride, the Cancer north node individual also brings with him memories of past hardships as well as the desire to avoid all imperfection; especially within himself. He works harder than most yet fails to accomplish all that he sets out to do. And if he feels that a situation might make him seem inadequate, he will go far out of his way to escape the embarrassment; even if it means making himself emotionally and/ or physically ill.

Karmic residues of materialism and self-righteousness are also not foreign to him. Rarely will he accept the advice of others; secretly thinking that he knows best. Seldomly will he share his honest feelings because he believes in personal privacy and is unable to accept any form of criticism. And being the opportunist that he is, will strategically place himself in situations where there is something to be gained; not hesitating for one moment if offered the chance to use another's weakness for his own benefit. All of this is done secretly of course, as to not damage the respectful image he has worked so hard to create for himself.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you want to look at it, the Cancer north node will ask him to leave his rigid ways behind and soften his walls when dealing with others. He will be asked to trade his arrogance for emotional honesty and will be shown the benefits of nurturing and being nurtured. And most importantly, he will asked to gradually open himself up to his Cancerian sensitivity.

At times he might feel the urge to resist this transformation; feeling comfortable with the habits he has come to know so well. Yet life, being the wise teacher that it is, will certainly make sure that he stays on his soul-destined path.

As time goes by, he will begin to value life and family more than money, emotional connectedness more than calculated control and new creation more than old baggage. His soul will teach him that the rock which was once him, is now ready to give way and allow some water to seep in. His soul will help him see that one of his greatest pleasures and achievements in this lifetime will be to nourish others; both in physical and spiritual ways. His Capricorn south node has overfilled his vessel…and so now it is his turn to share its abundance with those who need it.

Having said all that, it might be a good idea to fill your surroundings with as many symbolic representations of the Cancer Sign as possible. Surrounding yourself with Cancer sign colors, Cancer sign fragrances, and Cancer sign ornaments will remind you of the soul mission you're on and help you find your unique path to fulfillment.

Now if it's your mate that has the Cancer sign north node, and you do that for your mate, well...that's about the greatest gift that you could ever give him/or her. Because there's nothing like the feeling one gets when he realizes that he has found someone who really gets him -- a true friend...lover...and the irreplaceable soul companion he's been searching for his entire life.

...that soul companion who is you!


Have an adventurous journey my friend!

Julia Simkin is the co-founder of romantic-ideas-for-life.com. Always in search of the yet-to-be-discovered, Julia strives to offer her readers inspired ways of looking at both love and life. An Aquarian visionary of both mind and spirit, Julia is a facilitator for those seeking a different truth and deeper meaning. To learn more about your soul mission, go to Julia’s North Node Chart to find your north node position or directly to the Cancer North Node Page if you already know that your north node is in the sign of Cancer.

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